A few months ago, the Devil got together with the Great Engine of the Skies, the Deceptive Component God of the Winds, and the Cruel and Spiteful She-Bitch Entity of the Bad Seas and decided to go bowling someplace sunny. Powerful and benevolent beings that they are, they decided to give a little bit of warning to the fat landlubbers down below about the great and terrible onslaught they’d be sending down Florida way. Unfortunately, the warning storm never made it to Florida. You see, storms sent by the gods (especially storms born of Bad Ideas) often seem to have minds of their own, and this one was drawn away from its intended target towards a soon-to-be conceived bad idea in New Jersey.
This is how one soggy Camel came to be sitting in the back of a crowded van hydroplaning through a surprise storm towards the Phoenix Diner. Someone (congratulations, cowboy!) was talking about internet pornography. Questions were raised as to the character of an individual who would do such a thing.
Excuse me for a moment, I have to give an interview with the Press of Atlantic City.
Well, that article will never be run.
Where was I? Ah, yes. I proclaimed that I would be willing to post naked pictures of myself online. I was disbelieved, so it turned into a dare. I continued spouting grandiose proclamations about… Well, you’ll see. It’s a big project. Tons o’ fun. (Those of you who know, keep your damn pieholes shut.) It hasn’t happened yet because I’m not in good enough shape. I’ve been losing weight thanks to the Joe Camel “All-Carb DietTM,” but… Crap. If I say any more I’ll ruin the surprise.
But, I suppose it’d be plenty rude of me to leave you all hanging like that. So I leave you with the following link…